I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
