Your face is a jimmy john
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
