Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
