I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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