Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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