I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
