I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
