Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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