I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
