The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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