I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
