Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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