Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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