i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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