3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
