Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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