Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
