i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i was born a porn star she said
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
