I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
