Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I did not marry a roomba.
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