I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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