Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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