where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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