I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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