CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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