My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
