Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
