Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
