Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
All the doctor said was why
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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