If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
