90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
