All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
