We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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