so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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