dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
