By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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