party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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