I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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