and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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