yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
