Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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