How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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