I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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