I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize