i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
