I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
