I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
