Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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