my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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