How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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