his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
