im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
