So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
