Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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