??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have demons in me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
