I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
