i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
not ubering you a puppy
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
