woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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