I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
so much tequila, so little girl.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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