there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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