He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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