After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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