I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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