is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
