Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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