The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
