He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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