I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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