i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
