Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
worst night to have a conscience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize